Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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