I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
