My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
