He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
