Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
