he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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