You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
