i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
