three words: i give head
three words: not that well
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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