I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
