wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
