What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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