yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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