this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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