Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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