super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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