As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
