If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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