I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
