apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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