Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
