i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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