She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much rum. So many feels.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
