we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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