you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
