Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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