I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
