Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
cat food counts as protein by the way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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