Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
