I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
