im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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