i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
