You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
