just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
