you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
