If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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