I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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