But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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