the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
