I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
