Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Houston, we have a blender
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
