I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
