I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
