I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
