At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
