From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
