dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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