You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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