I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm too high and old for this...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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