Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
