I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
