This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
