The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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