Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
