Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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