Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
