God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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