Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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