I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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