My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
