I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
