you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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