I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i will never coherently bang her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
