I wish I could teleport
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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