and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
