It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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