Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
