I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
