Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
