apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
