In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
