I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
