I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
