Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
