I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
