I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
