Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sober January is a disaster.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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