and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
