and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
