Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
