so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
