I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
