Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
