Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sarcasm needs its own font
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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