i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
