I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
