So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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