drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
