So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
