Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
