I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
