I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
