i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
