he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize